the rosy crucifixion

To write, I meditated, must be an act devoid of will. The word, like the deep ocean current, has to float to the surface of its own impulse. A child has no need to write, he is innocent. A man writes to throw off the poison which he has accumulated because of his false way of life. He is trying to recapture his innocence, yet all he succeeds in doing (by writing) is to inoculate the world with a virus of his disillusionment. No man would set a word down on paper if he had the courage to live out what he believed in. His inspiration is deflected at the source. If it is a world of truth, beauty and magic that he desires to create, why does he put millions of words between himself and the reality of that world? Why does he defect action - unless it be that, like other men, what he really desires is power, fame, success. "Books are human actions in death", said Balzac. Yet, having perceived truth, he deliberately surrended the angel to the demon which possessed him.

åh hvor jeg elsker. jeg er svimmel, mat i knæene, uglet i håret og mild i blikket. jeg æder råt. jeg bider. spytter ud. bider igen. og synker.
jeg falder udmattet om.

i går formiddags i lufthavnen gik jeg på jagt efter en boghandel. det lykkedes at komme på klods hold af en, der også forhandlede fire hylder engelske bøger.
kinesisk have, kinesisk mad, kinesisk kunst, kinesisk indretning, kinesisk overtro, kinesisk sprog, kinesisk silkevej.
og inde i hjørnet var der en lille hylde med Harry Potter. og noget spion-noget. og så stod de der pludseligt.

Sexus, Plexus og Nexus

min kundalini rørte på sig.
mine tæer skælvede.

der var kun plads til Sexus, for jeg havde lige købt skoene, der passede til.

jeg troede, jeg for altid var fortabt. jeg troede, jeg havde mistet glæden ved bøger. og jeg troede, at genlæsning var forbeholdt de, der ikke ved, hvad de ellers skal lave.

jeg elsker ham.
i morgen vil jeg bede Claus bygge mig en hylde.
og så skal også Genet, Nin, Sartre og de andre gamle kendinge være velkomne her.
det bliver en forrygende og våd sommer!